


Why Did I Give Tsukki Anxiety????

by words_are_like_colors



Series: Ficwritersummerexchange/Verasficexchange2018 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Someone hug Tsukki please, Stress, not eating right, oh wait Yama can do that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 10:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15555600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/words_are_like_colors/pseuds/words_are_like_colors
Summary: A boring, normal school day it may seem but today, Tsukki has a turn for the worst. His head is spinning and with no escape, he reaches out towards Yamaguchi for help.Also, some good advice from Yamaguchi: if you are stressed or having more anxiety than usual, please check your eating habits, they can cause a great impact on your mental health.





	Why Did I Give Tsukki Anxiety????

**Author's Note:**

> This work is for @akiko-natsuko on Tumblr from the Verasficexchange. I hope you enjoy!!!

He had a bad day and just needed something to make him feel better. Tsukki having a bad day was not all that rare, but what was rare was someone finding this out. His brother and Yamaguchi had been in his life long enough to pick up the signs but even then, they don’t always see the sag of his shoulder or the dull look in his eyes. He was just having a shit day. Everything seemed to get under his skin, making him wanting to pick and itch at the places, to make them bigger, exposed and angry. Days like this just made him want to hunker down and cry, drown himself in his music and hide beneath the covers.

Streeeettttcccchhhh, snap! He pulled and tugged at the band around his wrist, letting it snap just so he could remind himself to sit back and think. Everyone seemed extra noisy around him, the voices a pitch too loud and their conversations just too annoying to bear. If it weren’t for the forced class project, he would have put his headphones on and slept. Even the temptation was making him itch. He was staring at nothing as he snapped the band even harder, a sting residing in its place.

He did not know why, but his chest felt stiff, almost like an overfilled balloon. More air was needed but there was already too much. Desperate to find something to draw his mind elsewhere, he went to grab up his pencil. This was a bad idea. He was shaking, just enough to be noticed but not violent. It was like his hands where vibrators in a phone, shaking to alert you of something seemingly important, but what was important? Why was he reacting like this? Why did every single atom in the universe seem to want to scratch at him and tear away his patience? What did he do wrong?

Everything within him was chanting to cry and scream and push him past the breaking point. He wanted to drag his nails down his face and to sob until the feeling went away. He was trapped, the feeling surrounding and pushing in and in and in until he felt that he was lost in his own head. Everything felt too real, senses hyperactive and aware of every move.

His friend sat in front of him, working at his own desk for the project. Tsukki wanted to call out, gasp his name and gain his attention but just a simple whisper was caught in his throat and his nearly whimpered. All he wanted was Yamaguchi to turn around and see what was happening.

Taking a shuddering breath, he waited, waited for Yamaguchi to turn around in his free will and notice his struggles. Tears were growing up in his eyes as the trapped feeling increased, his chest seizing more as he felt the pain of being unable to reach out even an arm's length.

It could have been seconds or an hour before Yamaguchi turned around. He was wearing a triumphant, proud smile and for a second, Tsukki felt a heavy pang of guilt for reacting such a way that would ruin such a smile.

“Hey, Tsukki, I got the plan written out and I--” When their eyes met, Yamaguchi’s words died, anything he was going to say about his expected wonderful work was gone. “Hey, Tsukki… What’s wrong?” A different tone, a one that Tsukki hated: the one of surprise and pity.

“I can’t--” Can’t what? That was all he was able to utter out while on the verge of tears, “I can’t-- I can’t--”

“I got you, there is nothing to worry about.” His hand was outreached, palm up and inviting. “Just take a moment and breath, cmon.” If it was anyone else trying to calm him, he wouldn’t be able to hear them or communicate, only Yamaguchi could. He felt like a damn liability every time he breaks down inside, unconsciously forcing his friend to pick up back up. Sometimes he wonders when he would get tired of his tears and leave.

Weakly nodding, he took the hand and held it. Tsukki was not much of a toucher but a simple, comforting hand-hold typically grounded him more than words alone. A hand to hold, one of reinsurance and gentleness, a promise that everything will work out for the better.

A few minutes of soft whispers of promises and hand squeezing past before he started to feel himself relax. His hands still shook but breathing and thinking lightened and suddenly he felt better, despite any negative thoughts breached by just the bothersomeness of having to gain the attention of someone.

“Tsukki, you good?”

“No,” He breathed out, “but better.”

Yamaguchi scooted a little closer, never letting go of his hand as he picked up his work with the other. “I don’t know what is bothering you, but you can tell me later if you would like. I need to know alright? So I can be here sooner for you. You didn’t look good at all.”

“I didn’t feel good.” Tsukki let out a weak laugh. The situation wasn’t even funny.

“I know.” Yamaguchi sighed before placing the work before Tsukki. “Here, read this. I was working on it and I think it's pretty good.”

Tsukki skimmed the page, not having the focus to actually comprehend the information but it was quite clear that the work had been done with care. “It's good.”

“Thanks, Tsukki!” Finally, that proud, happy smile was back on his face. “I think I can be better with another look over but if you say it's good, then it should work.”

They had been studying plants in class and were tasked with creating an experiment and creating a poster of their findings. Tsukki did not know exactly what was required to complete the project because after the teacher started talking, he had zoned out and buried himself in his mind. Luckily, he had Yamaguchi to help.

Just because Yamaguchi was here did not mean all of the itching and buzzing within went away, but it felt tamed for a short while just enough so he can get back on his feet.

—————  
By the end of the class, Tsukki had finally started to feel stable. Yamaguchi had to abandon his hand to gather his belongings, but that was alright. Tsukki flipped his headphones on the moment the teacher walked out of the room, drowning out any outside conversations with whatever mediocre music he had stored on his phone.

He was twisting and twinning his band between his fingers as they walked, not paying attention to where they went as long as it was away. They had found a shady spot under a tree by the gym, far enough away to not hear the hustle and bustle of eager students.

Through the first half of lunch, they barely spoke; all they did was swap food per usual, poking their sticks into each other’s boxes without asking. Yamaguchi had become an expert at making cutesy foods, that Tsukki will never admit that he loves but always prefers them over his own food. But that was not the subject of conversation, what had happened was.

Tsukki slipped his headphones off his ears as Yamaguchi tapped his arm for attention.

“Ah, Tsukki, What had happened earlier?”

“You know what happened,” Tsukki mumbled around one of Yamaguchi’s star-shaped carrots.

Yamaguchi shook his head, a concerned looked on his face. “What I mean was, what set it off?”

It took a while for him to respond. Thankfully Yamaguchi was one of the most patient people on the planet since most would have snapped at him to get over it or gave him more stress. While he struggled to find a reason other than simply ‘I don’t know’, he noticed that his friend was running his fingers over the trim of his bento box. It is simple, it is common, he knows this but it was still a clear sign. Yamaguchi has the temperament of a nervous person, the only major environmental cause would be his childhood bullying which mostly ebbed away after Tsukki’s arrival, so it was not uncommon to see him fiddling or rubbing whatever was in his hands. Even though they are vastly different, it helped to know that someone could relate even to the basics of levels. Although at the moment, it wasn’t the upcoming volleyball match or some test but it was because of Tsukki’s anxiety. Heart sinking lower, he realized that he was causing Yamaguchi to be nervous: his own freakout.

“Forget it.” Closing up his half-eaten bento box and slipping it back into his bag, he kept his gaze away from Yamaguchi, not finding it helpful to say his problems if it meant ensuring new ones “It doesn’t matter anymore, it's done with.”

“I can’t help you if you don't tell me.” The sharpness in Yamaguchi’s voice made him pause, his fingers stilling on his bag zippers as he looked up at him wide-eyed. Ever since that moment when Yamaguchi yanked him by the shirt and gave him a piece of his mind he has been more forward with his thoughts and less apprehensive about speaking up. Although it has been a year since then, whenever he used that sharp tone he was reminded of the moment his fears and thoughts were stripped away to start growing new ones. And how here, he cannot help but wonder if this was partly the same. “I don’t know what to say or what to do when you act like this. I can only do so much for you unless you tell me what is wrong… please don’t run away.”

Dropping his bag back onto the ground, he drew his knees to his chest, feeling Yamaguchi’s eyes on his every move. “Okay,” He said after a moment, “I do not know for sure what is happening but, I think it could be a few things.” Fiddling with his band, he continued, “Everything has been just so stressful and overwhelming recently and all I want to do is stay home in bed and not think about what was coming during the school day or what will happen during the next match. And even when I can do that, like weekends, I still wake up feeling tired and restless, having no energy to release yet wanting to burn it off… nothing feels right, like a tingly blur, I don’t really know…”

“I get it, it makes sense.”

“How?”

“Well,” He pondered for a moment before saying, “I feel like something like this happened a while ago too, but not as bad? I just remember you being unusually restless, but it was then when I noticed that you weren’t taking care of yourself right.”

“And?” He remembered it too, but then it was simply because he was working too hard at volleyball that he went to sleep completely wrecked and still floppy when waking in the morning, snapping at anyone who would look his way.

“But, Tsukki, have you been eating right and such? I mean, I know that midterms have been stressful but you always do well on those and with volleyball, we have been alright, the first years weren’t as much trouble as we thought, so this is the only other thing I can think of beside the normal things…”

Normal things weren’t normal purse compared to other people but for Tsukki, his normal is enough. “I have been eating fine… I eat with you every day right?”

“Only at lunch we do, I can’t tell what you do when I am not around.” If this wasn’t a serious situation, he would joke that he was like his mother more than his boyfriend at this point.

Tsukki sighed before giving in, “Fine, I haven't been eating breakfast and I sometimes skip dinner when my mother doesn’t force me too. Why eat when not feeling hungry? It's not like I am ignoring hunger, it is just that I don’t care about eating food when I do not need to. It is irresponsible not to but I do. And I guess you will try to tell me I should eat more for my health? I don’t have an illness so I am perfectly healthy.” Ending it briefly and bluntly, he stood up and while tossing his bag over his shoulder, he went to walk to class.

“Wait, wait.” There was the sound of the clatter of the shared bento box falling before Tsukki felt a hand pulling on his sleeve. Glancing down, he was met with the begging eyes of Yamaguchi. “You are not healthy, you—“

“I am fine, I—“

“No,” He was cut off swiftly and firmly, his voice not holding so much of a nervous temper in sight. “You are not just fine. Yeah, you function and work and are not bedridden but this is not okay, Tsukki, it really is not. Stressing your body out stresses the mind as well… I hate to see you struggling and weak because you are not that, so stop hurting yourself like this.” Tsukki went to speak but Yamaguchi kept going forward, “I know you are about to say that you will still feel this way, being overwhelmed, even if you are eating right but it makes it worse if you don’t, you see?”

Tsukki stood there for a moment looking down at the look of worry and care in his boyfriend's eyes before letting out a tired breath and nodding. “Fine, we can start by finishing lunch.” Grabbing onto his hand, Tsukki lead Yamaguchi back over to their tree to where the lunch sat waiting to be eaten.


End file.
